I’m in a weird place right now. There are a TON of stressors in my life. Most of them aren’t really my story to tell at the moment, and of the ones that are mine, I’m not ready to share. But just you be sure they are here and I have no idea how to handle any of them.
Let me clarify, though, that I’m not good at recognizing how they are impacting me on a day-to-day basis, other than my daily blood pressure check, which has been higher than normal these past few weeks. I’m vaguely aware that my mood is different, but if asked, I would deny that anything has changed. A positive result of the stress is an enhanced appreciation of Nora and all that she brings to our relationship. Honestly, all I want to do is be near her and soak her up.
Other than Nora, running is the biggest constant and source of stability in my life right now. I’ve lost weight and have gotten stronger over the past half a year or so, and it’s showing. I mentioned before how I have broken up my running life into two parts. We are now in the Modern Era. The real demarcation of the eras is my last suicide attempt nine years ago.
Nine years! That’s how long it’s taken me to physically get back to being near the neighborhood of the ballpark where I was in 2014. The mental/emotional struggle is, of course, the main factor in how long it has taken. The simple fact is that I just didn’t care enough about myself, nor did I have the bandwidth to put forth the energy to work on me.
But here I am, trying to maintain the effort to improve myself. I’m not great at it, but I’m working on it. Today, I set another PR for the 5k ITMO (In The Modern Era) at 25:15. I understand this is not all that speedy, but I’ll take it. I’m still forging ahead with this blogging each day thing, well I’m back to forging ahead with it. I do hope that by year-end, there will be 366 posts here.
I’ve got a lot of work to do in many areas. Somedays it feels like I”m making progress, other days I wonder if I’ll ever level-up.
What are some ways I could work towards a better Jp?