I have had a few pets in my life. As a child, there was a brief stint where we had a Siberian Husky puppy. That was too much for us to handle. I’m mostly sure we had a bird for a while, too, something small and tweety.

After Japan, my brother had a cat in the house. Not mine, I didn’t care.

During my sophomore year in college, I had a hamster. I honestly don’t remember what happened to that little guy.

Dave had a cat when we lived together. That was the best pet on this list. It was blind and had extra toes. Blind cats are the way to go, folks. They are super appreciative of the attention, never jump up on the counters, and, in this experience, don’t chew on wires and such. Two thumbs up (which little Pepsi had) on blind cats.

I moved into a dog family when Nora took me in. She had a Havanese. A little lady, Dixie, who was mostly sweet as could be. But man, did she like to stand at the fence and bark.

Then Nora’s oldest fell in love with some puppies and had to have one. HAD TO! I remember laying in bed listening to her cry to Nora about how much she wanted one and how she would take care of it. How she knew it would be her responsibility. I knew the real score, but it was my job to support Nora and her decisions. So when the little guy came home, I jumped on board.

Since then, Dixie has passed, and Luke has matured (in age, not attitude). We did some training with him, but not enough. The girl is in year two away at college and has moved on to a cat. We paid thousands to fence in our yard, because we have a dog. We keep the back sliding door open with a wooden dowel, because we have a dog. We have a pet door on the screen door leading to the backyard, because we have a dog. We can’t pick up and go anywhere, because we have a dog. We own two bark collars, because we have a little jackass…err, dog. We have pee stains all around, because we have a dog. Every time I come in and out of the house I have to block the way, because we have a dog. We pay thousands a year in grooming and vet bills, because we have a dog.

Does anyone want a dog?

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